Relationship is something built around two people who find enough attraction between them to come together and support each other through thick and thin. Ideally that is what relationship is meant to be, to be a team player and always there for your significant other. However some people do not share this point of view. They are not ready to relinquish their control over the other. Not realizing the essential requirement of any nurturing relationship is to accommodate the other person as much as possible. A selfish individual will not feel responsible for their actions or the resulting consequences; they are only concerned with their own wellbeing. Even if that wellbeing and twisted sense of feel good is at the cost of their significant other.
Such a relationship, if it even survives that is, will be completely devoid of love or feelings of mutual affection and respect. No person should be subjected to such oppressive behavior that too at the hands of their partner. To be locked in a lifelong struggle to conform to every whim and demands of a self-centered partner is dreadful to even think about. Such an individual will never be able to learn to grow compassionate because they would not be even aware of their fallacies. This translates to zero empathy and consequently no ability to give out genuine love to the other person.
Why do certain individuals tend to behave selfishly is a topic in its own right. What we are trying to do here is identify those key behaviors that suggest your significant other is self-interested in their own agendas without a thought for you. Identifying the following red flags earlier in the relationship is better in order to make that individual scarce from your life. You can do much better without such disturbing influence in your life.
8. Their way or the highway
Selfish person has no tolerance to welcome opposing views. They think they are in the right and whatever the other person is coming up with is never qualified enough to be even entertained. They will simply disregard other’s opinion without even considering how the other person may feel. They are so narrow minded and rigid that even offering them a better perspective will never appeal to their faculties of reason. This is because they have super-sized egos standing in their way and what the right thing to do is. Arguing with them is never easy and almost always will end with them sticking to their guns no matter how much unfair they may sound.
7. All the focus is on your career instead of your personality
If your partner is more concerned about your financial prowess rather than your personality is pretty much what a selfish relationship entails. If they cannot even connect with you as a person and only look at how they stand to benefit from you will never progress the relationship in a positive direction. The reason they are only concerned with your career and finances is because they lack the basic empathy that is borne out of compassion. They never really want to talk about relationship building or appreciate whatever little things you do to please them. It is what they believe is important that will please them and not your idea or opinion that matters. No matter how sincerely you try if their standards or expectations are not met you will be made to feel inadequate. Such toxicity is never good for a healthy relationship as one person will always feel neglected despite their best attempts.
6. Most encounters are devoid of positivity
When one person is consistently voicing their disapproval of your opinion and imposing their interest on you it is but natural that you will also develop feelings of resentment. Most of the encounters in the relationship will lose the mutual affection and discontent will instead take its place. You both will always come to a negative outcome from your arguments or at best you will be neutral. Learning to come to a compromise or accommodate each other will seem hard work with each passing day. This negativity will poison your relationship to the point where you cannot even find any constructive or positive conversation. Always bickering at each other and not even being able to develop any affection for your partner is indeed a relationship worth leaving.
5. You feel deserted and alone in rebuilding attempts at relationship
A selfish person will always appear to be indifferent to the predicament facing the relationship. Never really feeling the need to work on those issues which are gnawing at your insides since they do not consider anything more important than themselves. You can only expect them to engage if their interests are involved and they want to safeguard them. Since they cannot see beyond their own self they will have no concern whatsoever if the issues are outside of their tunnel vision. This is not the acceptable way to grow in a relationship. Both the parties should consider each other and collectively think about their issues trying to make things work. It will feel like you are doing all the work to make the relationship survive and retain its relevancy. One person can only be patient for so long, eventually they will also throw in the towel and the resulting atmosphere will never be feasible for a loving and thriving relationship.
4. Exerting too much control
Being self-centered and wanting things to be done their way, a narcissistic person will naturally become assertive to the point of imposing their whims on their partner. They will set down terms and conditions without considering or taking input from their partner. This will be unfair not only because it was one-sided decision-making but also they do not feel binded with the same principles they subject their partner to. It is highly likely that a selfish person’s control measures will be in direct conflict with their own practices. This tendency to not practicing what they preach will naturally lead to resentment and anger. Such a relationship will be lacking the essential ingredient of equality which is necessary for growth and mutual respect. It will be emotionally suffocating to always explaining yourself and defending yourself in day to day activities. You will feel limited in your mundane activities and not truly yourself thanks to the vice-like grip of your partner over your affairs.
3. Not showing interest in your daily life
Whenever they are with you they seldom ask about your day and how did you spend your day. They do not want to involve themselves with your life affairs which seem trivial to them. A person maybe longing to connect with their significant other but they snuff out any avenue of conversation and learning about your time spent is no exception. They just cannot be bothered by your point of view as they want the conversation to be all about them. They will not even properly listen to you let alone talk to you about everyday stuff. It is as if they cannot perceive your needs to be as important as theirs. They will place their own needs supreme and voice them out instead of even considering to in tune themselves to you. This will make the person feel unimportant and leave them disgruntled.
2. They do not share your success with enthusiasm
If you are making impressive progress at your work life or accomplishing your objectives should make your partner proud and happy for you. Unfortunately that is not the case if you have a self- absorbed person in a relationship. They will grow anxious of your success simply because they might see this as a way of losing the lime light and you overshadowing them in other people’s eyes. They cannot afford or do not have the stamina to endure this fact that they are second best. It is their egotistical mentality that urges them to have that misplaced sense of self importance and authority. Instead of becoming a team player and encouraging their partner ahead they will not miss any opportunity to make them fail at their endeavors. Instead of giving hope and positive feedback they will not let go of any chance to make you feel miserable. They will feed on your insecurities just to make you weak so you will be left crippled to tackle your challenges.
1. Never expect them to admit their shortcomings
A self-absorbed person does not see himself or herself with any flaws. They are not even aware of the several shortcomings that their character might be having. The fact that they will have a perfectly fine justification ready for all their actions makes them blind to even addressing the actual problem. It is necessary to first realize that you are in the wrong before you correct yourself but since they are rendered incapable of that it is hard for them to admit their mistakes. Expecting an apology from them is akin to listening for an echo without uttering the voice.