Narcissism, by definition, means to be in a constant and excessive admiration of oneself. It is, quite obviously, a negative character trait. Being confident and having self-belief is never a bad thing. But when it comes to an excess of it, it turns sour.
Having a narcissistic person in one’s life can be quite a challenge, especially if they mean something to you. You will be constantly reminded of the fact that the world revolves around them. It can be extremely exhausting and can leave you questioning yourself more often than not. The most difficult challenge is to be dating a narcissistic person. If your spouse is narcissistic, you’re in for a tough time.
Here, we’ll discuss when it would be a good time to cut off ties with a narcissist, or what steps to take if you decide to stay put. Let’s begin!
12. What’s a narcissistic woman like?
When you look at a woman, you instantly associate all things good with her. You expect her to be kind, soft, understanding, and innocent. However, this is not always true.
A narcissistic woman, on the other hand, displays none of these qualities. She’s going to be extremely cold, entitled, vain, neglectful, and some without a care in the world. She will also firmly believe that she is the best among all. A good reason for this would be the fact that because we have such a high image of even the most ordinary women, they find a base to start having negatively high thoughts about themselves. This gives a foundation to their narcissism and negative demeanor.
11. How can you tell?
The thing is, you can’t. It’s true. Most of the time, men look past all these things as they are blinded by the physical characteristics of a woman.
A simple smile can be the undoing of a man and soon enough, he’ll find himself falling for her. These few characteristics overshadow the negative part in woman’s personality in the eyes of a man when they really shouldn’t. The beauty is so charming that nothing can turn a man’s head from that woman- or his heart, for that matter. And when this happens, the man in question finds himself way too deep. This results in a heartbreak like no other.
The only way to tell beforehand would be to remain in your senses and think rationally. That would give way to a thorough character analysis. However, the truth is that not many men are capable of this as they fall victim to the beauty of the woman. Therefore, having a strong mentality is vital to this part. It could literally save your life. Think about it!
10. Marrying a narcissist
Only when you’re through the honeymoon phase do you realize what you have actually signed up for. Marrying a narcissist and trying to maintain a relationship with them can be a very emotionally draining task.
Men in marriages with narcissistic women report the most horrid things one could imagine in a relationship. They claim that they are made to feel like they’re never sufficient. No matter what they say or do, they come off as ‘never enough’. Men also report to feeling belittled and undignified. Also, most of the time these relationships run on materialism; they involve the man putting his heart and soul into buying his wife the stuff she wants and still getting next to nothing in return.
That’s right, there’s no trace of warmth, care, or even a little bit of affection. It is an endless spiral of giving and getting nothing back. Such a marriage can be a cesspool.
9. It can get really hopeless
No matter what a man tends to do in such a relationship, it is never enough for the narcissist. You could work and spend your blood, sweat, and tears, and it still wouldn’t be enough.
The engagement ring will have a tiny rock on it. The colleagues would always have a better car. You won’t be fit enough and nor would your job be sufficient. Any effort that you put in, no matter how heartfelt and difficult it was, it would never be enough to make your wife happy. These events will put aside all your positive beliefs that once stemmed from the fact that maybe if you would give her a perfect life, she’d change.
But alas, it would never happen. You could try and stop believing, but as we all know, letting go of hope is really difficult and terrible. They become really hopeless and difficult, these relationships. So much so, that they are not even relationships anymore.
8. Where does this mess leave you?
Nowhere, to be honest.
Negative thoughts take over you and leave you in the dark. A relationship with a narcissistic person brings about a lot of hopelessness and despair. It gives rise to self-doubt, a deadly disease that ravages your emotions and affects almost all other relationships in your life. It impacts you so much that your decision-making skills get affected. A drastic change takes over your mental state and you start to suffer.
This self-destruction can leave you doubting yourself and waving goodbye to whatever self-esteem you had left. The consequences are huge and the time it takes to stand up again can be pretty long, too.
There comes a time in every human’s life where they reach a breaking point, a point beyond which they cannot go anymore. Once you are at that stage, you have to step up to the plate with whatever strength you have left and ask yourself a couple of questions.
7. Ask yourself …
Once at your breaking point, you need to ask yourself a few questions before you can move on with life. These questions are vital to your mental health and can well and truly shape up your future. Here’s a few of them:
- Do you feel like you’re inadequate?
- Does she make you feel like she can be better off with someone else?
- Do you try anything and everything in order to save your relationship?
- Does it all feel one-sided?
- Am I just a bystander as she lives her life?
- Do I feel disconnected?
- Are you looking forward to a future together?
These are some of the questions you should definitely ask yourself when faced with a similar situation. It is absolutely essential to do this if you want to lead a normal life again with happy relationships. Changes are very difficult when it comes to relationships as you have already pictured your life with that specific person. Stopping to think and evaluate occasionally, however, is recommended.
6. Talk it out?
You could try talking it out with your wife.
You could sit and discuss with her the problems you are facing in the marriage. The key thing to do here is to stay away from accusatory sentences and try to have a rational conversation. Otherwise, you might end up drawing her away from the conversation and find yourself at an impasse, again.
This is a tricky thing to do, however, because communication only works when both people are listening, and getting a narcissist to listen to you is a task on its own.
5. How should you assess the situation?
Once you find yourself in a spiral of self-doubt and inadequacy, it’s time to assess the situation. In order for you to do that, there are a few things that have to be considered.
First off, you need to consider your children, if you have any. Any decision you take must be taken keeping the kids in mind and their futures. You must keep them in the mix. Other things you have to think about are your shared assets, such as finances, mortgage, etc. Once you’re done deciding all that in the company of your partner, you are set to go forward and take whatever decision you want for your betterment.
Once you’re away from such a relationship, it is time to settle down and gain yourself back. Taking some time off can be crucial in this situation as it helps calm you down and gives you different perspectives. Take a nice break and heal before thinking about any more romantic relationships in life.
4. If you decide to stay …
If you decide to stay, however, then you need to consider these key points.
Staying would take a lot out of a person trying to seek some peace. In order for this to truly work, reevaluate the situation. Understand your ground and change up your expectations. You need to take note of the fact that your partner isn’t going to give you any of what you want. Such people are not likely to change. However, a tiny chance still remains.
If you decide you want to give it another shot, at least make sure you have some ways of limiting the damage. Always make sure you have friends and family around who can help you up when you need it. This is most important.
3. Do the right thing
No matter what decision you make, make sure it’s well thought out.
Granted that in such circumstances it is difficult to differentiate between right and wrong, here are some of the things you need to be absolutely sure about. Make sure you are being granted the basic rights in a relationship. Are you being loved? Are you being cared for? Do you feel like you have a role to play? Ask yourself these questions. Don’t deprive yourself of your basic rights. Stand up for yourself. Don’t deprive yourself of what you deserve. You have had enough days of feeling miserable. If there is still a chance of you feeling that way, pack up your bags and leave.
However, also keep in mind that if you’re staying, you might as well give it your best thought. Love your wife like never before and never let your treatment towards her change, regardless of how she treats you. Who knows, with a little bit of love and affection, she might change? The only thing you can do once you decide to stay is going all out.
2. Find your Self
Once you have made your decision, it is time to step back and take some time off. In this time, you must find yourself.
Try to pick up your pieces and fix them. Try to make sense of everything and change perspectives. Address the issues and think of a rational solution. No matter what your decision is, whether you stay or leave, this step is very important. If you feel depressed and anxious, take up an activity that calms you down. Try working out or take long walks at the beach. A lot of people find that relaxing. If not, take up a hobby. You might as well do something useful in the time you take to find yourself.
Regain yourself and refresh your mind. It is always a good thing to start anew. It gives us hope in this single lifetime that we have in this world, so we should definitely make good use of it.
1. Never lose hope!
Losing hope is something you should never do. Remember that whatever happens; happens for the best.
Look around you and you will find lots of support. Keep reminding yourself that it is never over and that life goes on. Even if you decide to move on, keep yourself up every day. Remember that you will find that one person who will love you like you deserve it. Until then, keep your head held high and try to treat others nicely. Learn from these lessons in life and try to avoid the same circumstances in the future.
Also, advise your friends and family and help them if they face a similar situation. Your experience is invaluable and can save a lot of people. So, hang in there and be patient!